Wheels of Steel: Fortune Cookie Crumbs

Dobler and I spent yesterday in Pittsburgh apartment hunting, after a week of tension about which city we should move to. He continued to pursue the original New York plan; I pushed the Pittsburgh option. Dobler argues, however, that Pittsburgh is a waste of time and money, and while it kills me to admit it, after 13 hours of driving around the city I think my boyfriend might actually be right. Come with me as I recount another tale of apartment woe.

10 a.m.
We arrived at The Pennsylvanian in the heart of downtown Pittsburgh. The converted Pennsylvanian Railroad station is spectacular -- more of a fancy hotel than an apartment complex. Features include a doorman, reachable elevator buttons, electronic keys, breath-taking views of the Golden Triangle, dry-cleaning services, valet parking, rent that includes water and gas, an in-unit washer and dryer, walk-in closets, a continental breakfast every Monday, two bus lines outside the building and a subway stop. The location also can't be beat, as it's at the intersection of the financial and cultural districts, as well as the Strip District. The cost of a one-bedroom is $940, but after electricity, cable, internet and parking are added, the grand total is approximately $1200 per month. Naturally, it's my favorite.

11 a.m.
We then traveled to Shadyside to view The Arlington, under the management of Mozart Management. Until Thursday, the Arlington had been our leading contender. Rent is only $817 -- all utilities included in the heart of the neighborhood and near all the prissy Shadyside shoppes. My excitement about this building began to wane when I stumbled upon 101 reviews of Mozart's "archaic leases" and the Arlington's "very, very, very bad roach problem" on ApartmentRatings.com. When we actually got inside the place, I was even more scared. Accessibility-wise, the place is a nightmare. There are three doors I could never open to just get into the basement (the main entrance has steps), an unreachable intercom system, and an elevator that has five-foot-high buttons. The 1920s building also had a very old-timey feel, but with a very strong vibe of creepy. I don't know why, but the thought of being alone in those hallways terrified me, and I just kept imagining those twins on tricycles from "The Shining" chasing me. The still-inhabited apartment we were shown was beyond filthy, and the kitchen was a million years old -- although soon to be replaced. Dobler loved the floorplan, but we both knew that this place would not be an option. And this was all before an hour-long stroll through the broken-sidewalked, steps-into-everything-except-Starbucks-the-Apple-Store-and-Sephora, too-residential area of Shadyside. Oh, and the leasing agent looked like Don Knotts -- not a negative thing, but weird as hell.

1 p.m.
We made some wrong turns trying to find the Royal York in Oakland and ended up missing our appointment. Neither of us really cared, though, because we did not like the neighborhood or the building's location near nothing. I had been advised to avoid Northern Oakland because of crime and Pitt undergrads anyway, so we continued down Bigelow Boulevard and over to the North Shore's gang-addled streets.

1:30 p.m.
An hour early for our 2:30 appointment, we entered The School House apartments and encountered a huge cascading staircase leading to the fourth floor lounge. The manager, who I originally thought was a maintenance man, soon helped us with the mini elevator, then showed us a prospective apartment. Our being so early really didn't affect much, as the presence of another living soul in the building was nonexistent -- just corridors and stairs leading everywhere. It was like a motel meeting an Escher painting. We looked at what was Dobler's favorite apartment -- a two-bedroom, two-bathroom with walls of windows and lots of light. And it's literally across the street from my hospital. Although the current tenant was yet another filthy pig, the place had potential once the garbage is picked up and carpets are cleaned. The price? A whopping $1050 -- $1200 if you include parking, cable, internet, etc.

By late afternoon we had reached not one but two stalemates: (1) The Pennsylvanian -- my choice because of location, lifestyle and independence, versus The School House -- Dobler's pick because of practicality, space and two bathrooms; and (2) New York versus Pittsburgh.

"New York versus Pittsburgh? Haven't you made this decision already?" you ask, exasperated.

Yes, I have, and I've justified both cities in seemingly endless ways. Pittsburgh seemed like such a smart, safe choice until yesterday. We could find jobs and have a guaranteed place to live and save in order to almost afford a home in New York. However, while Pittsburgh is indeed one of the most livable cities, we're learning that no city is going to be cheap and meet our requirements. Sure, there are $400 apartments available, but they won't work for us. If we're going to be spending $1200 monthly on a place, why spend it in Pittsburgh? I can find a studio in Manhattan for that price ... maybe.

But I really have no idea what to do anymore or where we're going to end up. If I had to choose right now, I'd pick New York. Ask me tomorrow, though, and I'll probably say Nashville.