Here's why: I'm a TV star.
It's been nearly a month since I've shared some crooked truth with my crooked fans, but luckily my return falls upon a national holiday: Jerry Lewis MDA (Labor Day) Telethon Day.
That's right. I'm one of Jerry's Kids (Orphans?).
Well, at least I like to think that I am. Doctors never actually told me what disease I have, although it most certainly falls into the category of neuromuscular, and I've been told I’m a pretty cut-and-dry case of SMA II. Plus, I do the "MD crawl"* when I need to reach a pencil, glass, or any object across the table, so I'm claiming the holiday as mine.
Today while channel surfing from one syndicated primetime marathon to another -- Law & Order: SVU on USA and CSI on Spike TV -- I came across the telethon, and a wave of guilt swept over me: How could I forget about this?
To be honest, my telethon viewing has lessened in the last five years. I have never had much to do with the MD community outside of a press-release-type-thing I did in early middle school for a local Harley-Davidson fundraiser, but I did reap the benefits of local donations through nine years of MDA camp (and believe me when I tell you, I ain't never received a penny of telethon money in the name of a cure).
Oh, camp -- a magical place where a bunch of underage gimps spend a week being free and corrupted by crazy college students who have volunteered to wipe ass, be covered in creamy foods -- pudding, baby food, Jell-O -- and spend late nights bullshitting with cynical older campers.
Not only does the week provide a break for gimpy kids and their parents, but it also offers a much more precious opportunity -- the chance to be on television. One afternoon the local-news crew arrives, videotapes two hours of goofy games and interviews campers for a short segment to air during the telethon.
And do you know who one of those campers was for many years? Moi. And I would watch myself a month later between donations read by Peggy Finnegan and Jerry Lewis's once slapstick antics now replaced by bigotry.
*The MD crawl describes the action those with Muscular Dystrophy perform in which they "crawl" with their fingers across a surface in order to reach an object. Those who crawl lack the strength to lift their arms.
TRY IT! AT-HOME EXPERIMENT: Sit at your kitchen table and place a pen slightly out of reach. Without lifting your arm, walk your fingers across the table like a spider, applying enough pressure on your fingertips to support your wrist. Inch your way forward until you reach the pen. TRY IT! with a piece of paper -- only this time, set the sheet farther away and use the pen as a reacher when crawling isn't enough.
That's right. I'm one of Jerry's Kids (Orphans?).
Well, at least I like to think that I am. Doctors never actually told me what disease I have, although it most certainly falls into the category of neuromuscular, and I've been told I’m a pretty cut-and-dry case of SMA II. Plus, I do the "MD crawl"* when I need to reach a pencil, glass, or any object across the table, so I'm claiming the holiday as mine.
Today while channel surfing from one syndicated primetime marathon to another -- Law & Order: SVU on USA and CSI on Spike TV -- I came across the telethon, and a wave of guilt swept over me: How could I forget about this?
To be honest, my telethon viewing has lessened in the last five years. I have never had much to do with the MD community outside of a press-release-type-thing I did in early middle school for a local Harley-Davidson fundraiser, but I did reap the benefits of local donations through nine years of MDA camp (and believe me when I tell you, I ain't never received a penny of telethon money in the name of a cure).
Oh, camp -- a magical place where a bunch of underage gimps spend a week being free and corrupted by crazy college students who have volunteered to wipe ass, be covered in creamy foods -- pudding, baby food, Jell-O -- and spend late nights bullshitting with cynical older campers.
Not only does the week provide a break for gimpy kids and their parents, but it also offers a much more precious opportunity -- the chance to be on television. One afternoon the local-news crew arrives, videotapes two hours of goofy games and interviews campers for a short segment to air during the telethon.
And do you know who one of those campers was for many years? Moi. And I would watch myself a month later between donations read by Peggy Finnegan and Jerry Lewis's once slapstick antics now replaced by bigotry.
*The MD crawl describes the action those with Muscular Dystrophy perform in which they "crawl" with their fingers across a surface in order to reach an object. Those who crawl lack the strength to lift their arms.
TRY IT! AT-HOME EXPERIMENT: Sit at your kitchen table and place a pen slightly out of reach. Without lifting your arm, walk your fingers across the table like a spider, applying enough pressure on your fingertips to support your wrist. Inch your way forward until you reach the pen. TRY IT! with a piece of paper -- only this time, set the sheet farther away and use the pen as a reacher when crawling isn't enough.
posted by Claire C. Cake at 5:41 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home